I just wanted to send a big fat thank you to all the people in my life who take an active interest in my kids. Nothing warms this mama's heart more than knowing that there are slews of people out there who find joy in my kids. Their lives are more enriched by having you in them, and they look forward to spending time with each of you.
To my mom and sister: thank you for your frequent trips to Maryland, either by car or plane, to spend even just 24 hours with these kids. Max anticipates your visits and is so sad when you leave. Louisa is learning who you both are and is beginning to understand that you'll be permanent figures in her life. Our FaceTime dates are so important to them, as well. Our visits to your neck of the woods are just as special.
To my mother- and father-in-law: thank you for playing with these two babies every week and for all of your free babysitting. Max loves going to Vovo's house on Wednesdays, and they both are so lucky to have such involved grandparents who live just around the corner.
To my brother- and sister-in-law: Max is floored whenever he can see and play with you. If either one of you is absent from a big family dinner, he's asking where you are. Louisa also loves the extra snuggles. Thank you for being the "cool" and "hip" titios. We'll happily return the favor when you start having kids.
To my aunts, uncles, and cousins back in Ohio: thank you for welcoming my little kids to all of our family events and catering to our crazy schedules. It's quite a departure from the norm as it's been over a decade since we had a baby or toddler in the family. They both love seeing and playing with you all, and I love witnessing you guys interact with little people...you all light up!
To our friends here and elsewhere: thank you for sharing your families with ours. I'm so glad our kids will be friends and grow up together. Even if they only see you and your kids when we visit Ohio or plan a reunion of sorts, it still warms my heart to see our kids together.
It's true when they say that it takes a village to raise a child. Your involvement in my kids' lives is such a blessing, both for them and for me as their mom. I'm so grateful for this village of mine!
This morning, at approximately 9:25 AM, I became the mother of an enrolled preschooler for the 2017-2018 school year. Even though we've been preparing for this for the past month, I still can't believe this day is here.
Victor and I have been researching preschools in the area for the past month. There were lots to choose from, but we only visited/toured four: two were at well-known child care/preschool centers. one was a Montessori school, and one was part of a nearby church. Far and away, our favorite school was the first we visited, which was the church preschool. Our back-up was one of the child care centers.
I really wanted Max to get into the church school. The classes are small (only 8-14 kids per three-year-old class), they incorporate Christian elements into their lessons, and I just loved the tight-knit, family-like community that was evident when we toured the school. An added bonus is that the school is walking-distance from our house (across the street from the Starbucks we like to walk to), so I could walk to pick him up on nice days.
I was worried Max wouldn't get a spot because after their church/alumni registration last Thursday, there were only 8 spaces left for the Monday/Wednesday/Friday "threes" program. Registration for the "community" was this morning beginning at 9 AM, and it was a first-come, first-served situation. I wanted to head over to the church by 8:30 AM to get in line, but in classic Rachel fashion, I didn't get out the door until 8:45 (perhaps if I had gotten up at 7--when my alarm went off--instead of 7:15, I could've left on time. Must get better at morning things!). I walked into the gathering room at the church at around 8:50 and I was number 20 in line...T W E N T Y ! My heart sank. I was sure we'd be wait-listed, at best. I buried myself in my book I brought along to pass the time, but I felt a pit in my stomach the whole time I waited. While our back-up school is a great option, my heart was set on this school.
However, once registration started, I noticed that many of the parents ahead of me were registering for the 4-year-old program or the 2-year-old program, and many of those registering for the 3-year-old program wanted a Tuesday/Thursday slot! In the end, Max got the 7th of the 8 available spaces for the Monday/Wednesday/Friday threes program! I happily handed over my registration paperwork and the enrollment check, thankful to no longer worry whether he would get in or not.
Max is so excited to go to school, so to celebrate his new status, I packed his little lunch in his doggy lunchbox today. His school is nut-free, though, so we have until September to get him interested in something other than the PB&J crowd-pleaser.
Hello lovelies! For a couple of weeks now, I've been pondering beginning a series on the blog. I wanted to choose a broad theme that I can touch on each week, hitting a more specific aspect of that theme with each post. Since I'm deep in the throes of motherhood with two littles under age 3, I figured that would be the best topic.
That brings us to today, the first installment of the Mama Heart series! My plan is to post for "Mama Heart Monday" each week. If you're a blogger and would like to participate, feel free to post on Mondays about anything that is on your Mama Heart. Perhaps it'll turn into a linkup someday.
My kids are going through a lot of changes right now, and as a mom, adjusting to those changes can be pretty challenging. As a first-time-mom when Max was a baby, I was fascinated every time he reached new milestones, and I very rarely willed time to slow down like so many other moms do. I truly was so excited to see him growing and changing. I celebrated his teeth coming in, I encouraged him to crawl and eat solids, and I wanted so badly for him to walk before his first birthday (although he waited until 15 months to take his first real steps).
After he turned one, I went from being the mom of an infant to being the mom of a toddler, which came with it's own set of challenges as Max became more independent, opinionated, defiant, and incredibly intelligent. My patience was tested virtually every day by my strong-willed firstborn, and I had to learn how to give him the freedom to try new things and do some exploring on his own, allowing him to learn from his mistakes.
During Max's first year of toddlerhood, I found out I was pregnant with his little sister, and I began to prepare myself for the task of being a mom of two kids ages 2 and under. I was so excited and so nervous at the same time. How would I adjust to this newest season of motherhood? I had already survived the infant season and was knee-deep in the toddler one, but soon I was going to add another baby to the mix. I hoped and prayed that I would figure it out and not screw up too much in the process.
Being a mom to a baby and a toddler has been such a fun and demanding season of motherhood for me. To be quite honest, the baby stuff came back to me pretty easily. The more challenging part of this newest season is navigating my toddler, especially in relation to the new baby. I've already done the baby stuff, but the toddler stuff is where I'm tested and where I feel like I'm doing it all wrong some days (case in point: potty training). I have a feeling that I'll be challenged in new ways once Louisa reaches toddlerhood; I know she's developing her own personality and will throw me for many loops as she figures out her own preferences and quirks. It's a never-ending ride!
Soon I will be the mom of a preschooler, a brand new season of motherhood that I'm excited for (mostly because Max is so excited about it), but one that I'm also struggling with. First of all, HOW did Max suddenly go from squishy little baby to almost 3 years old so quickly?! It really is true when they say that the days are long but the years are short; we have many a loonngg day in our house, but then suddenly months have passed by and I'm wondering where the time went. Victor and I have toured two preschools in the area already, and we will visit a third this week. We're asking questions about curriculum and schedules and enrichment activities, wondering how our very bright son will be challenged academically and how he will interact with his peers. In just a few short months, I will be handing my son (who has only been cared for by his parents, his aunt, or his grandparents) over to complete strangers and entrusting them with his education and care. I will watch him develop an admiration and enthusiasm for his new teachers and friends, and I will witness him foster new interests and skills that I have not personally exposed him to myself. For the first time in three years, I will be away from my son for multiple hours a day, 3 days a week. Thank goodness I have a few more months to come to terms with all of this change that's coming my way.
And that brings us to Louisa, my sweet little Lou-Lou-bird. She's getting ready to crawl and is about to sprout her first tooth (I think...please let it be soon! My poor girl is miserable!). She's getting too big for her infant car seat so we're switching her to Max's old convertible one; this means I need to switch to a different stroller and prepare differently for leaving the house--no more throwing a blanket over her car seat as I clip her into the umbrella stroller--girlfriend needs a coat! She's becoming a more voracious solids-eater, and she's starting to use a cup (though not exactly successfully). She's started letting us know when she's mad, especially when we take away a wash cloth that she could be sucking on. She loves to nurse and hates a bottle, but I know that at some point in the next four months, our nursing relationship will end. I find I'm having a harder time celebrating Louisa meeting her milestones than I did with Max; I am so sad to see her baby-ness fade away. The fact that she's less than four months away from turning one is crushing me. I'm not sure why I'm feeling more sentimental this time around; perhaps it's because she's a girl, or maybe it's because she could be my last baby, or it might be because I know what comes next and how quickly she's going to turn into this little creature who only vaguely resembles her squishy baby-self. No matter the reason behind it, I just want to keep her little forever.
I've only just begun to navigate the ever-changing seasons of motherhood. Right now I'm up to my eyeballs in diapers, Cheerios, toys, and tantrums. I'm sleep-deprived due to my baby needing to nurse overnight and my toddler having bad dreams or needing to be tucked back into bed. But I know that in the not too distant future, I'll be elbow-deep in sports schedules, homework, teenage angst, and curfew enforcement. I'll be sleep-deprived because Max and/or Louisa is out driving or on a date or applying for college and I'm up late poring over their baby books. I'll be longing for these long, loud, seemingly endless days with my baby and toddler.
Late last month, I overheard a couple in the checkout line at the grocery store discussing their kids and how they were going to approach one of them about needing to get a job and how they needed to have a discussion with another about the rules for having friends over to the house when they weren't home ("It's really a safety issue," the mom said). I remember being thankful that I didn't have those worries at this point in my motherhood journey.
I often find myself wondering how I will know that I'm making the right decisions when it comes to my kids, especially during the teenage years. I can't even begin to fathom my kids having their own cell phones and cars and letting them go out on their own. But the truth is, I don't even know that I'm making the right decisions now; I just know that the decisions I'm making are the ones that I feel are best for my kids. I guess that's all we can do, regardless of which season of motherhood we're in. We trust our gut, we put on a brave face, and we love our kids with everything we've got.
Long time, no blog, eh? I've been quite busy over here, and even though I probably could've found the time to blog here and there in the past couple of weeks, I just didn't have the energy. Here's a little peek into what I've been up to.
We got the kiddos matching jack-o-lantern shirts when we were at the beach, and I took some adorable photos of my kids one morning last week. These two just adore one another, and it makes my mama heart so happy!
Louisa and I flew to Ohio on Sunday, October 9 to stay with my mom for a few days as she continued to recover from bunion surgery. Her surgery was on October 3, during which she had 4 screws put into her left foot to correct the damage from her bunion (Louisa and I were supposed to be there from Oct. 2-6 to help her, but since Louisa had been in the hospital the week prior, we cancelled our trip). My sister was with my mom for the week of her surgery, but Mom still wasn't able to get around on her own when my sister had to return to Indianapolis for 4 straight days of work--she's not allowed to put any weight on her foot for at least six weeks!
We booked the flights on Friday and flew out on Sunday, so Louisa's first flight was a little anti-climactic due to all the haste in which I had to pack and prepare Victor and Max to be without Mommy for 4 days. Louisa did great on both flights, though, and we had a lot of fun hanging out with Gaga and helping her get accustomed to her "new normal." My mom has to get around on crutches/a knee-cart, which doesn't seem like a huge deal, but she lives in a 3-level townhouse with 5 steps leading into her house from outside. It's quite an adjustment, but she's a resilient, strong, fiercely independent woman, so she's got this in the bag! Update: she went back to work part-time this week and she's been fending for herself for the past 2 days! These next 3 weeks of recovery will FLY!
My mom's new modes of transportation. Riding in style!
Before leaving for Ohio, we had been having quite a difficult time at bedtime with Max. Since mid-September, bedtime every night was a fight and he woke several times overnight in hysterical tears. I was waking up a few times a night to nurse Louisa and a few more times a night to calm Max back down to sleep. E x h a u s t e d wasn't even the correct word to describe how I felt. I was running on empty, dead on my feet most days. I welcomed those 4 days in Ohio with open arms as a chance to catch up on sleep! The sleep problem persisted after I returned, and Victor and I have been at a loss as to what to do to get him back to his old sleeping ways. Everything we tried worked for a few nights and then it stopped working. This week, we've been letting him sleep with his door open (he's normally closed in his room with a doorknob cover so he can't get out), and last night he slept from 9:30 PM to 6:30 AM...no overnight wake-ups! I'm hopeful that having his door open will continue to comfort him in knowing that we're not far away while he sleeps. Fingers crossed!
We're hosting a Fall Extravaganza party here at our house this Saturday, so I've been super busy preparing for that. My vision for the afternoon is a fun event with our friends and family who have littles. I've planned games, crafts, and fun fall food. While it's looking like it won't rain on Saturday, we are forecasted to have some pretty gusty winds, so some of the outdoor activities might have to be scrapped or brought inside, but we'll have fun regardless! I'm so excited! I'll be blogging about the party next week!
And finally, this chunk-o'-love turned 5 months old yesterday! I just love this girl so much. Next week we might practice sitting in her high chair to prepare for trying solids!
That's about it from these parts. I have lots to do to get ready for this party this weekend. I still have to finish a few game preparations, set up tables/decor, and BAKE! Time to get back to it!
I will be the first to admit that I'm a bit of a control freak/slightly neurotic. I thrive on routine and consistency, and since I like things done a certain way, I tend to have the opinion that if I want something done right, I should just do it myself. For this reason, I'm terrible at delegating, and I rarely take help that's offered/only ask for it when I desperately need it. It can definitely cause some overwhelming situations, but the thought of going against my natural instincts seems even more overwhelming, so I just grin and bear it.
Being a stay-at-home mom with two kids ages 2 and under, things can get pretty hectic. The baby is easy. She sleeps a lot, rarely cries, is easily portable, and tends to go with the flow. The toddler is the challenge. Running errands with both of them is something I dread, but I'm always proud of myself when we emerge from the grocery store with a full cart and everyone is accounted for. Max is exhibiting some typical 2-year-old behaviors (tantrums, defiance, hitting/kicking/biting, shouting) from time to time, and on days when the Terrible Twos behavior is more frequent, I find myself losing patience really fast. I think Max needs some varied stimulation, and I can't give that to him very often right now, so I decided to enlist some help.
Yesterday was Max's first time spending the entire day with Victor's mom, his Vovo, which will now become a weekly practice. In the past, I've always kept him home with me and only asked her to watch him if I had an appointment or other commitment that wasn't conducive to bringing him with me. Even on those occasions, he was only with her for a few hours at a time, often at our house. It's time he spends more than a couple of hours away from me. Louisa and I have to travel to Ohio for 4 days the first week of October to help my mom after she has foot surgery (Louisa won't be helping, she'll just be breastfeeding lol), and I'll be leaving Max here with Victor. Victor's mom will need to watch him during the day while Victor is at work, so it's great to get them all accustomed to this new routine.
Victor's mom has wanted to watch Max once a week for several months now, but I just wasn't ready to relinquish control. That's really all it was--a fear of not having control. When Max is with me, I have control over his day and schedule, and I plan my day to accommodate his meals, nap, and bedtime. I can almost always get him to nap in his room (napping elsewhere, unless it's in the car or stroller, is pretty much guaranteed not to happen, even when I'm the one putting him down). When his behavior gets challenging, I typically know the trigger because I've been with him all day. I was afraid of the unknown that came with letting someone else care for him all day (please note: I completely trust my mother-in-law to care for my son, and he loves playing with her at her house. It's my own neuroses that caused my anxiety and apprehension). I know that plenty of working moms have to entrust others to care for their children every day from very young ages, and I'm sure you all think I'm being pretty ridiculous about all of this, but at least I'm owning the fact that I was being completely irrational. I honestly think I made it worse on myself since I went so long (seriously, 2 years!) before biting the bullet and leaving him with his Vovo all day. Max was almost 1 when we spent our first overnight away from him, and we didn't do it again until Louisa was born another year later. If I could give any of my fellow new SAHMs some advice, it would be to get yourself comfortable with being away from your kids while they're still young. It's harder the older they get!
I can tell you that even after all my apprehension (I've almost asked my MIL to start this new routine several times over the past several months and always chickened out!), I'm SO glad we did this, and I'm wishing we had started sooner! Even just one day of being toddler-free has been so rejuvenating! And I'm not the only one who's benefiting from this; Max and his Vovo get to bond, Max gets a change of scenery and new stimulation, and Louisa gets to have some undivided attention from her Mama. Everyone wins!
Yesterday I had a physical with my doctor in the morning, and then Louisa and I ran a bunch of errands (that is, after she had a diaper blowout all over both of us. Thank goodness we were home for that adventure!). We got to leisurely stroll around Francesca's (I haven't been in that store since Max was an infant; such cute stuff!), Target, Whole Foods, and Costco (she got her passport photos taken and lots of attention from fellow shoppers! Usually Max is getting all the attention thanks to his ginger curls and adorable smile).
Pre-blowout
Post-blowout
In the future, I'll use my Max-free day to get lots of work done around the house, help Victor with some construction billing, and maybe start taking Louisa to some sort of music or swim class. I'd also like to leave Louisa with my MIL occasionally and do a fun Mommy-Max outing from time to time. So many options!
As I suspected, Max didn't nap at Vovo's despite her best efforts to get him to sleep (it's tough when you can't just shut him in his room), so Max passed out in the car on the 3-minute drive home and slept on the couch from 6:30 to 7:15. Then he woke up crying and threw a 20-minute tantrum about who-knows-what (Victor consulted Google about this behavior and found out that when kids wake up grumpy, it could be due to low blood sugar/hunger). After some apple slices and a sandwich, he was a little angel until a later bedtime and slept through the night! The "old" me would be leery of trying that again after the unpleasantness last night, but the "new" me knows that we can handle an overtired kid once a week.
I'm quite proud of myself for loosening the reins and giving up some control, and I'm so grateful to my hubby and mother-in-law for being patient with me while I figured out that this was the best thing for everyone. Even after 31 years and two kids, I'm still growing up!
As warned, I haven't been posting much lately. But I have a good reason!
We welcomed Louisa Maria to our family on Thursday, May 19, 2016! She was born at 9:26 PM, weighed 7 lbs 2.8 oz and measured 19 inches long. We had a smooth, uneventful delivery (thank goodness) and we've spent the past 2.5 weeks adjusting to life as a family of four...plus two dogs and a temporary live-in Auntie.
It has been quite an adjustment bringing baby #2 home...but not in the way I imagined. Incorporating a newborn into our life again has actually been way easier and more seamless than it was the first time around, likely because we know what we're doing this time and pretty much have everything we need.
Everything with regard to Louisa is going swimmingly; she's nursing well, sleeping a ton during the day and some at night, and she's a fairly even-tempered little gal. It's her big brother who's been throwing things for a loop. He loves his baby sister. But he also misses being the center of our universe, so the first week home was quite rough. He was acting out by throwing things, hitting/kicking, throwing tantrums, etc. He stopped sleeping through the night. He had a hard time being gentle with his baby sister. It was quite overwhelming and concerned me a little, if I'm being completely honest. I mean, the kid just turned two, so the "Terrible Twos" could be partially responsible for his negative behavior. But we also brought a new attention hog into the house, he had to spend two days and nights without mom and dad, Mommy couldn't pick him up/snuggle him/dote on him like before, and we had lots of extra people here helping (my mom came to stay with us/help for a week, and my in-laws made frequent visits, as well). He's not getting the same attention he's used to, so I guess negative attention was the next best thing. I was worried that this undesired behavior was going to turn into the new normal for us.
Thankfully, Max's behavior is steadily getting better as the days go by and he adjust to this new season of life. His tantrums/hitting/kicking/defiant episodes are dwindling. He's sleeping better again. He gets excited and announces "Awake!" whenever Louisa opens her eyes. He kisses her goodnight and asks to hold her frequently. As time goes on, things are looking up, thank goodness.
As for me, I'm recovering quite well and I'm feeling fantastic. I think recovery has been much swifter this time around, perhaps because it's not my first rodeo, but also because the postpartum lounging/ days of ease are non-existent with a 2-year-old running around; I have no choice but to get up and power through! If I could change one thing about our current situation, it would be to get more sleep, but I'm getting by with naps during Max's naps. I also had some painful engorgement last week, worse than I ever experienced with Max. I was incredibly uncomfortable (I cried a lot over the course of a couple days), so I visited the lactation consultant at our pediatrician's office. She told me I was pretty close to developing mastitis, so I followed her advice to the letter, and thankfully it all got better within a couple of days (the magic "cure" was warm compresses before each feeding, mamas. It didn't fix it immediately, but I felt some relief quickly and after a day or two, I was 100% better.)
We just love our little Louisa and feel so blessed to have her here with us finally. It's a whole new ballgame, having a baby girl, but it's so much fun! She's already grown so much over the past 2.5 weeks, and I know she's going to change daily as time goes on. Everyone says she's the spitting image of Max when he was a bitty, but she has her own special features too, Her hair is more of a strawberry blonde/light brown (Max's hair was red like a brand new penny), and she has more of it than Max did at birth. Her cheeks are chubbier than Max's were at this age, as well. We're intrigued to see how much they'll resemble each other as they both get older!
I'm slowly trying to get into the groove of doing things on my own with two little ones. We've survived a couple of days at the house alone, and this morning I ran my first errand alone with both kiddos...to the grocery store! It went great, surprisingly. Max was a champ and sat in the cart without protest (which I don't think has happened on any errand in the past 3 months), and Louisa slept in the Solly Baby Wrap (I can't sing the praises of this wrap loud enough. I LOVE it and highly recommend it!). The worst part of it all was getting everyone into/out of/back into the car, mainly because it takes way more planning than you would anticipate! We might brave Target this week, as well. But Costco will not happen for quite some time, I think!
Thank you to everyone who has already offered their well-wishes to us regarding the arrival of Louisa! In the coming weeks, I plan to share my thoughts and observations regarding being a new mommy of two, the story behind choosing Louisa's name, and Louisa's birth story. I should probably also share a 2-year update on Max (he turned 2 two days before Louisa was born). Be sure to check back, or enter your email on the right to receive a notification when I publish new posts!
If you're a parent, you know the effort it takes to encourage your child to be a good sleeper. I'm sure some parents were blessed with automatically awesome snoozers, but it's more likely that you're going to have to do some sort of sleep training to get your child to sleep through the night and put him/herself to sleep. Max started sleeping through the night at around 6 weeks, but then when he started teething at 3 months, those long nights of uninterrupted sleep were replaced by frequent awakenings. In hindsight, I realize that I did some things that hindered him from developing good sleep habits, such as: keeping him up too late, letting him fall asleep on me instead of in his crib, nursing him to sleep, etc. Even despite a great, consistent bedtime routine, he still woke up multiple times a night and needed help to go back to sleep.
It wasn't until we moved to our new house last March, when Max was 10 months old, that I really got serious about the sleep training and began using the Ferber method of "crying it out" (I had tried the gentler "Sleep Lady" method earlier and I feel like I wasted 3 months of our lives with no success. That's not to say it wouldn't work for your child, and I have her book if you'd like to have it! I did like her suggestions for a daily schedule for baby). The first week was awful and he cried every time I left his room, but each night got better and better as he learned to put himself to sleep, which then equipped him to put himself back to sleep if he woke up in the middle of the night. As a result, he's a fabulous napper and even better nighttime sleeper. I feel relief because I know he's getting plenty of sleep, and he's a very happy kid as a result. My one regret was not starting sooner.
Snoozing peacefully
However, in late October into November, Max was going through a textbook sleep regression. He was only 17 months old at the time, but everything he was doing was consistent with what is described as the 18-month sleep regression. Sleep regressions are common in babies/toddlers at various ages, largely due to the new skills they are learning, such as crawling, walking, eating solids, etc. According to the Baby Sleep Site, these are some common causes of the 18-month sleep regression:
teething--they're likely cutting their canine/cuspids (the pointy teeth), and they could even be starting to grow their two-year molars
separation anxiety--this usually rears its ugly head around 7-8 months, but it can last through 18 months
increasing independence--if you've got a strong-willed toddler, you could be in trouble! They like to test their limits.
Sleep regressions often begin out of nowhere, with no warning, and they typically end just as suddenly. They can last anywhere from 2-6 weeks, and they can be incredibly frustrating and exhausting, both for baby and for you. Max's regression lasted for about 2 weeks, and it was a doozy of a regression. The older the child gets, the harder the sleep regressions become because you have to add in a discipline factor since they could be testing their limits with you when they refuse to sleep.
This was completely true for Max. He started throwing some wicked temper tantrums right around the time that his regression started. When naptime or bedtime came around, he went up to his room willingly and seamlessly went through his bedtime routine. However, once I left his room, he would stand facing his door and scream and cry--at the top of his lungs--and he was relentless. He would typically calm down after 15 minutes and go to sleep, but those 15 minutes were long and loud. He would also wake up at least once a night screaming and wouldn't be able to soothe himself back sleep, requiring me to go in to him and rock him for a bit. He would always cry for at least a little bit after I put him back in his crib, but most nights he'd be asleep again within 5 minutes. Naptimes were also rough, with the same screaming/crying/yelling. He would wake up after about an hour and scream and cry again; sometimes he'd go back to sleep and other times that was the end of naptime. Still, on some days, he didn't nap at all. This was such a drastic change from my wonderful sleeper who would sleep 11-12 hours through the night and 2-3 hours at naptime every day.
The worst of this regression occurred one Saturday morning at around 5 AM. I left Max's room after soothing and rocking him for about 10 minutes. I went to the bathroom before heading back to bed, and I heard a loud *thud* come from Max's room. I bolted to check on him, but before I got to his room, he was opening his door and walking out to me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he flipped himself out of his crib! Enter panic mode!!! First thing was to check to make sure nothing was broken. Thankfully, Max was fine. Then as I tried to rock him to calm him down, a million thoughts were spinning through my head: is it time to transition him to a toddler bed? How do we make sure he doesn't climb out again? Long story short, Max never went back to sleep that morning, and Mommy was a zombie all day. Victor and I put his crib mattress on the floor inside of his crib to make it more difficult for him to climb out, and we put some extra cushioning around the crib in case he did manage to get out again. My gut was telling me that he literally catapulted himself out of his crib that morning because he was so mad and that it wasn't an intentional jail break. I didn't think he'd try to climb out again, but each naptime and bedtime after that, I watched the monitor like a hawk while he screamed and cried to make sure he wasn't trying to climb out. He hasn't tried since, thank goodness.
I am happy to report that we have had zero screaming/crying/yelling at naptime or bedtime for about 2 weeks now; it ended just as suddenly as it started--like I said, textbook sleep regression. How did we survive, you ask? First of all, I did my research and determined that this was, in fact, a sleep regression and wasn't a result of some other issue. Secondly, I tried to remain calm and patient, which was easier said than done at times. Thirdly, I was consistent and reverted back to my sleep training principles that I used when Max was just 10 months old. I let him scream/cry it out for no longer than 15 minutes before I went up to soothe him. If he woke in the middle of the night or during his nap, I'd give him 10 minutes to try to calm down before checking on him. The video monitor helped a lot so I could see what he was doing and was reassured that he was safe. Fourth, I tried to remain confident that I was doing what was best for my child. even when my methods were questioned by others. Max is at the age where he makes cause and effect connections, and giving in to his tantrums would only encourage his behavior. I knew he was safe, had a clean diaper, was fed, and was warm enough in his crib. He was testing his limits, and I had to stand my ground.
Parents, if you haven't experienced a sleep regression yet, I hope this gives you some helpful information for when you do. Even if you don't subscribe to the cry-it-out/Ferber method of sleep training, know that you can still revert back to your chosen method if your child goes through a sleep regression in the future. And if your precious babe starts giving you the run around at bedtime, hang in there, go with your gut, and remain consistent. You'll get through it!
Lastly, here is a great chart with the recommended amounts of sleep that babies need at various ages. I've seen many similar charts (some go as high as 7-8 years old), and the total number of hours of sleep/naps for each age is pretty consistent across the various charts. This is a great guideline, but something I have learned in my 18 months of being a parent is that your child might not subscribe completely to these totals. Something else I have learned is a well-rested baby equals a happy baby, so do what you can to ensure your baby is getting good sleep, even if it means you have to leave a party early or turn down a lunch date from time to time.
Note: this chart states the total hours of sleep a child needs per day, which includes both nighttime sleep and naps.
I am always happy to share what has worked for my family with regard to sleep training and routines. This does not guarantee that it will work for your child (my fear is that it might not work for baby #2!), but I'd be happy to share with you if you have any questions! Feel free to send me an email at littlebluesailboatblog@gmail.com with any questions you may have!
I've been a parent for just over a year now, and I am by no means an expert on parenting (duh). I've done my best to become as knowledgeable as possible through the help of parenting books, Mommy & Me classes, Google searches, pediatrician visits, advice from veteran mommies, and good ol' trial and error. There are so many different parenting philosophies out there--it can be overwhelming! Add to those philosophies all of the advice from your parents/grandparents/aunts and uncles...many of whom haven't had a baby in their care for 20+ years. It's hard to know which advice to follow and believe.
First and foremost, you need to believe that you're an awesome parent. You need to tell yourself that everysingleday. There will be some days where you will feel less than awesome: days when your child throws tantrums in public, days when your baby won't nap, days when your baby is sick, days when your kid refuses to eat anything but cookies. days when it seems like everything you do is wrong. Parenting is hard! But...if your child is fed, clothed (on warm days, wearing a diaper counts as "clothed" in our house), safe, and relatively happy on a regular basis, you are a parenting ROCKSTAR!
When it comes to your parenting choices, there's always going to be someone offering unsolicited advice or gentle suggestions. As of yet, I have not found an effective (and polite) way to end these unwanted pearls of wisdom. No amount of whining to husband/friends after-the-fact or exasperated declarations of "I know what I'm doing!" in the heat of the moment have caused these activities to cease. It seems as though they come with the parenting territory.
I have been told how to dress my baby for whatever season/temperature/occasion that is currently on the horizon. I have been told exactly what to feed Max for lunch on a particular day. It has been suggested that I'm spoiling my child by not keeping him confined to one space for playing. It has also been suggested that I'm doing something "wrong" because I'm not doing it the same way that someone else did it. Sometimes I wonder if I have "Moron Mommy" tattooed on my forehead when I hear some of these comments, as if I'm not qualified to make decisions for my own child. It can be incredibly irritating and offensive. I've found that the best way, for me, to handle these situations is to discretely roll my eyes and change the subject.
I've had 15 months to really think about what advice I feel is most important to give to other parents. I could recommend lots of products, books, blogs, and practices that have worked for our family, but that doesn't mean they'll work for you. Instead, I've come up with a few of my own "pearls of wisdom" to help you feel confident(ish) in your role as parent.
Just because you were offered a piece of advice doesn't mean you have to follow it. Along with the role of "parent" comes this awesome thing called "parent intuition." You may not notice that you have it when you first bring your new baby home, but as the weeks, months, and years pass by, you'll recognize its presence more and more and learn to trust it. You'll consult many books, websites/blogs, medical professionals, friends and family, etc., in your journey to parenthood and throughout your tenure as mommy or daddy. (Shoot, when I was a new mommy, I was a "by the book" mommy, meaning I only did what the books said and exactly what the books said. I felt comfortable with that). All of these resources can be very helpful...and sometimes they won't be helpful at all. You have to decide which tips, tricks, and practices to implement into your family routine and which to pass by, and YOU are the most qualified person to make that decision. A personal example: The Sleep Lady Method of sleep training. Max was 6 months old and regularly waking up 3-7 times a night, every.single.night. Max wasn't getting enough sleep, and neither was I, and it needed to be remedied STAT. I did my preliminary research online and came across some Sleep Lady principles that really spoke to me, so I purchased the book and started studying. Then I began implementing the principles and it was awful. In the end, I ended up wasting about 3 months of my life forcing The Sleep Lady Method on my family, and we were all worse-off for it. I eventually came to terms with the fact that it wasn't working for us, and we tried the Ferber Method instead. Worked like a charm (with some hard work, patience, and consistency, of course) and now Max is a wonderful sleeper. This is not to say that the Ferber Method will work for your family OR that the Sleep Lady Method won't work for you. Just keep in mind that just because you decided to follow one bit of advice, you don't need to stick with it if it's not working.
Which brings me to my next piece of advice: do what you think is right for your baby (and your family) and to hell with all the baby books/blogs/Google searches/doctor recommendations/unsolicited advice. YOU are the expert on your child. Not your mom, not your mother-in-law, not even your child's pediatrician. YOU ARE. You'll know when to switch baby to the next size diaper or clothes. When you and baby are ready, you'll put an end to room-sharing. You'll know when it's time to sleep train or when it's time to wean off the swaddle/breast/bottle. You'll know when it's time to introduce solids and whether you need to get rid of the pacifier. You're the best judge of when you and your child need change or adjustment. If you don't know exactly when to implement something new or how to do it, then you will know when to start asking/researching. You'll figure it out. Have faith in yourself and your choices as a parent.
There's no teacher better than experience. You will learn a lot about parenting "the hard way." Remember that story about sleep training? Do you want to know how many times I asked myself "Why didn't I do this sooner?!?" My most recent lesson is evidenced in the photo below, from our trip to the grocery store yesterday.
How many times have I taken Max to the grocery store with me? Pretty much once a week since he was born, give or take. He's very grabby lately, so while we're in the check-out line, I need to occupy him with something to keep him from emptying the shelves. Yesterday, I gave him this magazine. He loves looking at magazines, but it's only a matter of time before he's ripping it to shreds. I thought I'd be done checking out before he'd have the chance to mutilate this one and we could put it back on the rack. Clearly, I was not, so this magazine was purchased. I thought the lesson learned here was to bring a book in my purse for him to look at, but after thinking about it, the real lesson is to give him a magazine I actually want to read so when he rips it up, I have to buy it. Lolz.
You aren't going to be 100% prepared for everything all the time...and that's OK. A personal example: I typically have a change of clothes for Max in his diaper bag for the unexpected diaper blow-out/spit up/drool-soaking incident. However, last Easter, I forgot to bring a change of clothes with us to church. As Max slept in his stroller during Mass, the angle at which he was sleeping combined with the stroller's crotch strap placement caused his pee to flow completely out of his diaper and all over his fancy Easter suit. After changing his diaper in the car, Max had to ride home in just his diaper while his clothes dried in the back. "You know, Rachel, you should always have a change of clothes in the diaper bag for times like this." Yes, that was said to me. Yes, it made me mad. And yes, it also made me feel like a big fat Moron Mommy. But then I realized that forgetting Max's change of clothes didn't put him in danger that day. It didn't compromise his well-being at all. In my haste to get out the door on time, I forgot to check the diaper bag for extra clothes. Big. Flippin'. Deal. Forgetting something doesn't make you a bad parent. It makes you human. And you know what? When Max is old enough to benefit from a "teachable moment" such as that one, he'll learn a valuable lesson in being flexible and going with the flow when Mommy forgets something...because that's not the last time mommy will forget something important. In fact, just a couple of weeks later, I forgot to pack pajamas for Max when we went to the beach for the weekend. He's still too young to learn from that, though...
You're going to make mistakes, even when you know better, and even when you have the best of intentions. A personal example: Max fell off the couch on my watch. He had thrown up a couple of times one evening after I put him to bed, and I wanted to keep a close eye on him in case he kept getting sick (didn't want to end up in the hospital again). So Max and I were on the couch together at 2 AM. He had been sleeping peacefully next to me for an hour or so, and I was dozing off myself. In fear of him falling off the couch as I slept, I got up to make a bed for him on the floor. I considered lying him on the floor while I made up the bed, but it was only going to take a second and I didn't want to move him twice and chance waking him up. While I made the bed on the floor, Max squirmed a bit and slipped off the couch. I saw it happen and rushed to catch him, but I didn't make it to him in time and he hit his head on the floor. He woke up and screamed for a bit, then fell back asleep. I cried and cursed myself repeatedly and didn't get a wink of sleep that night as I stared at him, asleep on the floor, checking for signs of head trauma. Thankfully, the only injury that was sustained that night was a serious case of mommy guilt, and I learned a valuable lesson. Making a mistake/bad judgment call with your kid doesn't make you a bad parent. It makes you human. Also, I have never left Max unattended on an elevated surface ever again, not even for a second.
Victor and I are raising Max alongside several sets of friends who are also raising young kids. We're doing some things similarly and other things completely different. Some of us use Pampers, others use Huggies, others use whatever's on sale. Some of us co-sleep with our kids; some of us let our kids cry it out in their rooms. Some of us breast-fed while some formula-fed. Some go to daycare; some stay home with mom or grandma. Some play with electronics and some have no interaction with technology at all. Some use the grocery cart cover and some let their kid chew on the bare, germ-infested handle of the grocery cart (totally me). Some of us put our kids to bed early, and some of us are flexible with our kids' bedtimes. And you know what? We all have happy, healthy, thriving kids.
There is no one perfect method for parenting, no end-all, be-all answer for what to do and when to do it. Do what's right for your family. Trust your judgment. You're going to be a parent for many many years. You're not going to get it "right" all the time. You're going to screw up, people are going to disagree with you and even criticize your decisions. But whatever you do, stand by your choices, forgive yourself when you mess up, and love that baby the best way you know how. Remember, you're a parenting rockstar.
Parent of the Year: I let my kid wear his pajamas past lunch time and watch Sesame Street while sitting in his toy box.
